A little bit about me!

Hi, my name is Isabella. I’ve lived in Orange County my whole life and I’m currently a student at Cal State Fullerton. I’ll be graduating in a year, which feels both exciting and a little surreal.

I started this blog to talk about dating; the good, the confusing, and everything in between. I want this to be a space where I can share thoughts, experiences, and observations about modern relationships and connect with others who are figuring it out too.

Thanks for being here and reading along. 

Introduction

I never saw myself as a "relationship girl." For most of my life I cared more about having fun, going out, and living in the moment than building something serious with someone else. Relationships always felt like something that would slow me down or require a level of emotional maturity I didn't think I had yet. If I'm being honest, I probably was a little immature when it came to love. I didn't think much about how I presented myself in romantic situations or how other people's perceptions of me might shape the way I saw myself. 

That started to change in January 2025, when I met my current boyfriend at a New Year's party. At the time, it didn't feel like anything serious, just another conversation, another connection. But after that night we stated in touch, texting consistently for six months while he was stationed in Washington as a Marine and I was still living in Orange County. Over time, something shifted. When summer came and he returned home we started going on real dates. He introduced me to his family and friends, and I began to see a different side of both him and myself. Even though we had very different personalities, we balanced each other out in a way that felt natural. What surprised me most wasn’t just the relationship, it was how much I started to change. I began to see myself as more serious, more emotionally aware, and more open to commitment. This made me realize that relationships are not just about connection between two people, they are also about how we come to understand ourselves through others. This blog explores how romantic relationships shape identity through symbolic interactionism, labeling theory, and attachment theory.

At first, my relationship felt casual and easy, more like “liking,” which is based on enjoyment and connection without deep emotional attachment. Over time, it developed into something deeper. Rubin (1973) explains that love involves intimacy, care, and attachment, all of which grew naturally in my relationship. Even though we had opposite personalities, we balanced each other in a way that strengthened the relationship. Research shows that successful relationships are built on communication and trust, not just similarity (DeGenova, 2008).

Symbolic Interactionism: The Looking-Glass Self & Impression Management + Labeling Theory: Changing Identity Through Relationships + Attachment Theory: Emotional Secutity.

Symbolic interactionism explains how identity is shaped through social interaction. Cooley’s looking-glass self suggests that we form our self-concept based on how we believe others perceive us. In other words, we see ourselves through the “mirror” of other people’s reactions. In my relationship, I began to see myself differently based on how my boyfriend treated me. His respect, consistency, and emotional care made me feel more mature and valuable, which influenced how I viewed myself. Research on reflected appraisals shows that self-concept is shaped by perceived feedback from significant others (Kenny & DePaulo, 1993). This helped me understand that my identity was not fixed—it was being shaped through interaction. Another important idea is impression management, introduced by Goffman. This refers to how individuals present themselves in order to control how others perceive them. Early in my relationship, I focused on appearing more casual and emotionally detached than I actually felt. However, as trust developed, I became more authentic and less focused on performance. Research shows that emotional closeness in romantic relationships allows individuals to express their “true self” more openly (Aron et al., 2013).Together, these ideas show that identity is not something we simply have. It is something we actively create through interaction with others.

Labeling theory suggests that the identities others assign to us can shape how we see ourselves and how we behave. Before this relationship, I was often indirectly seen as someone who was not serious about relationships. That label influenced how I acted and how I understood myself in romantic situations. However, my relationship challenged that identity. As I became more emotionally invested and committed, I began to reject the idea that I was “not a relationship person.” Over time, my behavior changed, and so did my self-concept. This shows that labels are not permanent. They can be reshaped through new experiences and interactions. Labeling theory helps explain how identity is socially constructed. My shift in behavior and mindset shows that when social meaning changes, identity can change as well.

Attachment theory explains how emotional bonds form in relationships and how individuals develop expectations of closeness and security. Romantic partners often become key attachment figures who provide emotional support and stability.In my relationship, I experienced a level of emotional safety and understanding that felt new to me. I felt supported, valued, and secure in ways I had not experienced before. Research shows that romantic partners often fulfill attachment needs similar to early caregivers, shaping emotional regulation and relationship satisfaction (Collins & Read, 1990). As the relationship developed, I became more aware of how emotional closeness influenced my feelings and reactions. When things felt stable, I felt secure; when there was distance, I felt it more strongly than expected. Attachment theory helps explain this emotional sensitivity and the importance of consistency in relationships.

Overall, this theory helped me understand why this relationship felt so meaningful—it was not just connection, but emotional security and trust.

Conclusion

This relationship changed not only my life but also how I understand myself. Through interaction, perception, and emotional connection, I learned that identity is not something we develop alone. It is shaped through relationships with others.

Symbolic interactionism showed me how I see myself through others. Labeling theory explained how identity can change when those labels shift. Attachment theory helped me understand the emotional depth behind connection and security.

Together, these theories helped me realize that love is not just something we experience.

References:

Aron, A., et al. (2013). A window to the true self: The importance of I-sharing in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Cassidy, J. (2000). Adult romantic attachments: A developmental perspective on individual differences. Review of General Psychology, 4(2), 111–131.

Collins, N. L., & Read, S. J. (1990). Adult attachment, working models, and relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

DeGenova, M. K. (2008). Intimate relationships, marriages, and families (7th ed.). McGraw-Hill.

Kenny, D. A., & DePaulo, B. M. (1993). Reflected appraisals and the looking-glass self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Rubin, Z. (1973). Liking and loving: An invitation to social psychology. Holt, Rinehart & Winston.